Ruby one

Hangover slightly abating...

This weekend, having had the same conversation i have had every week for over a year, decided to take Brian at his word, it really was time to move on.... Brian, the man, i haven't been seeing most Fridays for the past 18 months, because that would have been a relationship/affair, and he definitely wasn't having one of those..oh no.

Took myself to Salsa class, and shared the lesson with one woman who definitely hadn't started life as a woman, and the only two men, were with their future wives, but would have held no interest for me, even if they had been single...I cut a lonely figure, short, in need of shifting a few pounds (14 to be precise) slightly over dressed, because i didn't know what one wore to Salsa classes, but not in the shoe department - mental note to self...must by pair of heels for next lesson, second note to self... must find more dynamic class.

Texted Brian to make fun of myself about the cliched class, but also to let him know that i was getting back out there....at station waiting for train after the class, very pretty 20 something young girl came and stood very close to me...i asked if she was ok, but she was being followed by creepy man, realised she saw me as a mother figure to hide behind, ego took second body blow of the day....Brian's next text asked if i wanted to "come up 2 his" I am not sure if I was enboldened by having made first step to newly found complete singledom, whether at 43 and having done an hours training session earlier in the day the hour salsa had taken it out of me, whether i wanted to wake up in my own home, whether by now i knew him well enough to know that he would have consumed a bottle of cheap red (it was only the good stuff when i bought it - because truthfully a man who has to justify his spending to someone else is not going to lavish you with expensive vino) and fancied a shag or whether it was that i was wearing the equivelant of Bridget Jones big pants, but for second time only in our 18 month non affair i declined. I felt emotionally exhausted.

Many text sallied back and forth, and one in particular that he took offense to, but in my defence ....no seriously i meant it to be nasty and nasty it was...rule number one of the other woman, never knock his relationship with the first woman in his life, and no i dont mean his mother.

One late night tearful phonecall later I resovled to truly move on...it had helped me adjust to life without my husband, partner of 17 years and father of my children... but it was hardly a satifying relationship in any area except one, and i learned that at least one man, although technically not free to do so, found me attractive enough to not have to wait for the darkness of under the duvet.. and surfice it to say when i hear "mirror in the bathroom" on the radio it has a whole 'nother meaning for me...

So having done the salsa thing i moved onto the next cliche of spending money, took myself shopping and called in on Daisy on the way home to get approval for my purchases....

She having accidentally misplaced Andrew and being all dressed up with no place to go, proved to be my saviour from a lonely night in front of a re re re re run of friends....

I rushed home to put on some slap and off we went, first pub, as i eyed up three single men, Daisy pointed out that we were the oldest people in there by a country mile and should move on...Next pub we weren't the oldest, nor the fattest and certainly not the ugliest but we were the only two, or so it seemed not entwined... Daisy has told me i need to smile more at men, so as she orderd the drinks i smiled at the bar men, but apparently i need only smile at men who don't look at me as a mother figure.. i think that in the 17 years of my relationship time has stood still and i have forgotten that i and the men that i should be attracted to are now older... i still look at the men who i would have found attractive when i was 27 ... i can't judge ages, and their smiles are, i think just out of sympathy or wondering if i am a friend of their mother's that they should be polite to. I am going to browse magazines and re acquaint myself with what a 45 year old man looks like (with his clothes on).

Next bar Daisy went for it... boldy accosting the two men standing nearest to us.. Daisy was honing in on mr potato head, leaving me to shout at his deaf friend, this is sadly not a joke, the loudest bar in the area, i was trying to chat up an over 6ft deaf bloke....being only a bit over 5ft this was more than i could cope with and edged away leaving Daisy to hold court.

I then managed to totally cock up the opportunity to talk to very good looking sober man, in complete posession of his aural faculties. Smarting from Daisy's repremand, my opening gambit was "how old are you?" It all went down hill from there..I don't think suggesting that he is looked after by his rich "mummy and daddy" was a particularly smart line either.....Slurring my words and asking his name several times, also clearly endeared me to him.

When Daisy announced we were getting a cab home, mr smart 31 year old looked as relieved as mr potato head looked sad....

Falling into a cab, we laughed all the way home, amused the cab driver ( well we thought we were funny) woke up having missed my yoga class, walked to pick up car which i had misplaced, a night for losses as Daisy had accidentally lost her credit card..which we only discovered when booking our next night out... speed dating here we come, hopefully we will be slightly more succesful at that and more successful than my friend who was forcibly removed, when frustration got the better of him, for launching himself across the table at number 4 to try and snog her in the alloted 3 mins...